“Getting a life” is harder than I thought it would be. When, exactly, am I supposed to do that?  Between the constant activity, household chores, errands, work, etc. I feel exhausted.  The answer is to make it a priority.  There are many ways, big and small, to incorporate breaks into daily life.  I paint my toe nails.  I listen to meditation podcasts in bed.  We have a daily “toes up” time during which you don’t have to sleep but you do need to have a quiet body in bed. 

Getaway Girls

But I am so pleased with this one:  Two, equally desperate girlfriends and I have committed to annual overnights away from our families. We split a hotel room, walk to a restaurant in our cozy pajamas, then spend an evening in the hotel hot tub laughing and relaxing. When I return I am renewed and have a deeper well of patience for my miraculous kiddos.

My busy, joyful Thrive Son. I enjoy him even more when I get breathers from the activity of him.Energetic Life

Some good quotes to ponder from Kahlil Gibran:

“”But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”

“Your daily life is your temple and your religion. When you enter into it take with you your all.”

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”

In what ways do you get a life?  Add some new ones.

Today I want to share my fantastic Thursday night. Super Nanny, Jo Frost, came to town providing a lecture on parenting.  I think everyone in the crowd left re-inspired to be super parents and a girlfriend and I enjoyed a much needed night out. Thanks for husbands and grandparents who watched our kids!

Super Nanny tickets

Jo taking a question about pacifiers and thumb sucking

 Jo talked about many things and fielded questions from the audience but her biggest points were routine and consistency.  Kids thrive in a predictable environment.  Having a routine will add greatly to this.  When creating a daily routine begin by thinking about what time your children need to awake in the morning.  Then, allowing for the recommended 12 hours of sleep, set bedtime.  For example, my child wakes up at 7 a.m. so I need to get him to sleep by 7 p.m.  This is poinant because I recently read a book called the Seven O Clock Bedtime and the author convinced me to strive for an earlier bedtime to facilitate brain and body development.  It’s still a work in progress, of course, but our bedtime is beginning to resemble the vision that we hold for it.   A preschool director friend is going to publishthis tip in their monthly newsletter because she says child fatigue is epidemic in her center, especially on Mondays after a weekend at home with little routine or consistency.  Kids cannot learn if they are tired.  Thanks to Super Nanny for the added committment to an early bedtime! 

Super Nanny with two of my parenting class participants

 Consistency was Jo’s biggest mantra emphasising the need for parents to remain kind yet firm in their discipline techniques.  This was especially important in following through with limits and boundaries.  Children feel secure when they know the limits so parents must be lovingly consisitent in the enforcement of them.  Jo advocates a naughty step or chair where a child can take a time out or “calm down body time” as my family calls it.  Another family calls it the “oops moment”.  Whatever you call it, calmly walk your child to the time out spot and briefly explain why the child is there.  For example, “You need to calm your body down.  We do not hit.”  Then allow some time for cooling off (for both parent and child!).   When the child is calm, reconnect and explain again why the time out was needed.  “We do not hit in our family.  Next time if you feel mad take some deep breaths and calm your body down.”  Then hugs, kisses and the slate is wiped clean.  Make an effort to show a happy, energetic face and move on to the next activity.

Jo Frost autographing a ticket for my mom.

It was so fun.  I can hardly wait to watch her show more!

What are your tried and true parenting tips?

New additions

Heather asks about what makes us happy.  So here is my list this morning:

Aduki beans

In You Are What You Eat (2006) Gillian McKeith describes the small, red beans as “an excellent food source high in nutrients but low in calories.  In Japan, aduki beans are noted for their healing qualities, and are used in the treatment of kidney and bladder infections.  In my own clinical practice I use them with patients who need to lose weight.  This bean, with its exceptionally high levels of fiber, vitamin B complex and minerals (iron, manganese, and zinc), acts as a natural diuretic to relive the body of excess fluids.  It also removes unwanted mucus, congestion, and stools, burns fat, and balances metabloism for weight management.  If you want to lose weight this is the bean for you.”  Enough said. I’m in.

Adapted from McKeith’s “Aduki Bean Casserole” recipe, this versatile stew is delicious on a cold February day.

Thriving Aduki Bean Stew (serves 2-4 people)

Thriving Aduki Bean Stew

1 cup aduki beans (soak for 2 hours before cooking)

1 vegetable stock cube

1 tbsp miso paste

1 onion, peeled and roughly chopped

any veges leftover in fridge like green beans, chopped carrots, greens, radish

Use 1 cup aduki beans to 3 cups water.  Add veggie stock cube to the water, bring to boil and simmer 30 minutes.  (If you add a strip of seaweed kombu or nori to the stew it adds lots of fantastic nutrients to the meal.  Rinse one strip under water and add to stew.  You don’t have to eat the seaweed to get the nutrients but I like it.)  Halfway through 30 minutes add carrots, onion, miso, and whatever else you found in fridge.  Add flaxseed or sliced nuts on top to garnish.

Vegetable stock, nori seaweed, miso paste

If it’s too hot, perhaps Thrive Son can blow on it for you.  May he not spit in your bowl as he did in mine.  Bleh!

Want more?  We have been exploring how to use more lentils and dry beans in our diet.  They are CHEAP, healthy, and easy to prepare in advance.  Field and Fire facilitates a grain CSA (community supported agriculture) and has excellent recipes.  We’ve tried carrot and chickpea salad, baked beans,  and cholent so far.

Assorted lentils and beans in jars & zipper bags.

Kid factor:  One of the reasons we are exploring these dried foods now is that we want the kids to be famililar with their tastes and textures.  So far Thrive Son loves to help wash the beans and enjoys waking up and checking them in the morning.  He was hesitant about the above stew recipe but liked it, especially the miso/stock broth.

What easy recipes do you have for beans and lentils?  I’m on the look out for some more!

Thrive Dad shoveling snow yet again.

Today I reflect on this quote as I watch yet another layer of snow float onto the frozen ground: 

“We cannot understand any season of life unless we meditate on all of them.  Spring, summer, fall, and winter stand not in contrast, but in continuity.  Through each of them we learn something of what it means to trust God, to love ourselves, and to love other people.”   

 -Kathleen Fischer. From Journeying Through the Days: A Calendar & Journal for Personal Reflection (1999) Upper Room Books 

Frosty Leaves

Okay, I am a summer, warm weather kind of gal and Thrive Dad is a winter buff.  At any point in the year one of us is basking in the weather and the other is trying to see the beauty in it (with varying degrees of success).  As we begin another Midwestern February I begin to yearn for warmth, bare feet, iced tea, leaves, growth, camping, swimming, sun tan lotion, and reading books on the grass after a picnic. Remember grass? 

Very pregnant Thrive Mom in summer grass

But to focus on spring too much is to not accept the gift of winter and certainly I do not want to spend months of my life pining for summer when I live in snowy Iowa.  Since I’m trying to “be the change I wish to see in the world” I had best practice being content in the present moment. 

How can I cultivate a joyful sense of gratitude for the frozen tundra that used to be my yard?  My strategy this year is to make a poster with all the things I like about winter.  It includes photos, drawings and magazine clippings of: 

Smiling snowman

 hot drinks in favorite mugs, sledding, ice crystals on the window reflecting the moonlight, hand knit socks from my crafty mom-in-law, warm hiking boots crunching the snow in the woods, the slower pace of life, cooking/baking and the yummy smells of the kitchen, cinnamon sticks scenting the entryway, babies bundled up in cozy scarves, stew, snowflakes made from construction paper… 

Making favorite cookies with my mom.

This healthy baby on hand knit "scrap" afghan from Great-Grandma Dorth

It’s an evolving work in progress.  We add things periodically.  It does wonders to realign my mood and appreciate today.   Perhaps we’ll do the same for Thrive Dad as the warmer months approach.   

 Question:  What is your favorite season and what do you do to make the most of the “off” season?

Delicious Yarn Sample

Everywhere I looked there was beautiful yarn in all textures, colors, styles and completed projects to juice the creative wheel.  There were tables set up all over the store where women (did not see any men, sorry guys) sat chatting, laughing, knitting.  My cousin and I both learned how to knit.  She using the English style and me “picking” the Continental style.  It was so fun.

Thrive Boy's scarf in progress.

 Why do people love to knit, crochet, and sew despite the fact hats, mittens, scarves, socks, blankets, sweaters are more cheaply purchased from stores?  I used to think it was quaint that folks still knit but am learning there is more to gain from the practice than a simple hobby or the practicality of a useful item. 

In Choosing Simplicity by Linda Breen Pierce a participant explains what knitting and doing other things for herself (like gardening, baking from scratch, sewing clothes) means to her.  “Doing stuff for yourself does cycle energy back into your being.  The result goes beyond satisfaction to a real sense of security.  Doing for myself, no matter how time-consuming the task may be means that I can handle almost any situation or disaster.  I have no fear of the future.  I have serentiy in the face of an unknown future.”  Self-sufficiency.  It is also a form of portable (think stuffed into a briefcase/backpack), creative expression, an outlet in an increasingly busy world.  Perfect.

Hand work is making a comeback for sure.  More people I know, from my mom to high school boys, are interested in learning how to make their own items.  Check out two of the many inspiring artsy blogs at Shivaya Naturals (she actually posted thoughts about this same subject today, too!) and Progressive Pioneer  (who learned how to knit 2 weeks ago, too) are two of my favorites.  They also link to some wonderful blogs.  

Thrive Boy asks about his scarf almost daily so I’d better get it done!  I am glad he is interested in my project because a big reason I want to knit is to model and teach the art to the Thrive Kiddos.  I know they will learn academics, that comes easily to me, but I want to teach them recreation, hobbies, outlets. 

Heather of Shivaya Naturals says it best, “I know my kids will not tell me everything, and that they will have to face some very tough moments in life, and I hope that the knowledge that their hands are capable of always ensuring that there is beauty in their lives will help them through those times. I found myself as a mom, as a wife, and as a human being through art and yoga, and those are the tools that I keep with me at all times.

I am not worried about my children not learning the basics of reading a book, I am worried that they will not know the basics of creating a story.”  Well said, Heather.

My next project is to make a needle roll for all the wonderul needles I will acquire (I only have one set so far, hardly enough to necessitate a needle roll but I’m thinking ahead)!  I bought size 13s that are sustainably grown and harvested in California.  Too fun.

This guy knows good cheese.

Yummy, local mozzarella. Thrive Son can't eat them fast enough so I bought two bags.

Organic, free range eggs at Farmer's Market with the 4 year old boy who gathers them in the back left with his dad.

Look how gorgeous these eggs are! I've noticed the shells are harder than large-scale commercial eggs.

Lemon Poppyseed Bread-still warm when bought it

 We also bought 100% grass fed and hormone/antibiotic free angus beef, a multigrain bread loaf, oatmeal bread and dill bread, coffee ground the night before and raspberry hot rolls from local high school students, and raspberry jam from berries the woman grew last summer.  I am salvating!  Next time I hope to buy some of this great, wool yarn.  (Yes! I learned how to knit so watch for a future post about this!)

Locally grown, dyed, and spun yarn from Farmer's Market

 Winter Farmer’s Markets are often overlooked so I encourage you to find one close to you.  They are so fun to frequent.  The people are passionate about their products and we enjoy having a relationship with the creators of our food.  Go community!  We use cash because it helps us keep track of our grocery budget (rough Dave Ramsey approach) but checks are also accepted.

Local Food Store

If you are local, we finished our trip with stops at the health food store.  Mount  Vernon is a cute town with ethically minded stores.

Purple Elephant

Main Street USA

“As a parent, there is much I wish to transform in the world. Until we transform the chaos of family life, we can never hope to transform society . . . the rhythm of family is a crucial catalyst in restoring the rhythm of the world.”

I think this is a big part of what I am trying to do this explore/minimize year. I am passionate about many social issues including parenting support, our access to local food, sustainability, quality housing, issues surrounding poverty, and… I could go on for a while.   But I believe that my passions will be best served by “taming the chaos of the family”.  I want to find a rhythm at home that allows my little family to feel calm, grounded enough to go into our respective communities and make positive.

Specifically, I want my family members to come into our house and feel really “home”.    That peaceful refuge we all long for after a day of hard work and play.   That place that facilitates great memories of fun, laughter, support, safety.  From this safe base we can soar. 

Thrive Toddler wondering at the snow covered branches

How’s it coming?  I have been home full-time for 4 months now and am starting to get a feel of settling into a peaceful, balanced routine that includes being with the kids during the day going on outings to nursing homes, libraries, farmer’s markets, friends homes, parks, and preschool but large blocks of unstructured  time in our house playing and just being together.  We watch the snowflakes drifting through the trees, the blue jay at our bird feeder, the deer eating seed pods and feel the wonder of nature.  We tickle and laugh and play cars often.  We draw and watch kid shows together.  Family and friends frequent the house daily and I am unrushed while we visit.  I cook more simply and healthfully than when I was working and too tired to give our menu much thought or time.  Thrive Toddler loves to help in the kitchen and I am slower, more ready to let him help.  The moment when Thrive Dad gets home is a treat and the last few weeks have revealed a fulfilling bedtime routine complete with brushing teeth and stories.   The day flows well most of the time. 

Deer eating in our backyard

Sure, there are plenty of days when chaos still reigns.  I just throw my hands up and cry or yell instead of being a calm mom.  But these times are not as often as when I worked.  I do not miss the morning rush out the door or the lingering tension of the day that inadvertently spilled into my family life. 

Thrive Family

I feel the truth in the quote above.  If our home life is chaotic then there is no place of rejuvenation for the work we must all do in the world.  Investing in a quality home life benefits us all.

How is your home your sanctuary, your peaceful refuge? How could you improve positive feelings about your living space?  These are questions that I ponder in my efforts toward a simpler life or as Duane Elgin puts it, “a life that is outwardly simple yet inwardly rich”.  I don’t need a fancy house but I do desire a welcoming home.  It’s important that the Thrive House be a wonderful, special place for both the kiddos as well as for the adults so we’ ve loaded it with little things that make us smile.    

A picture of mountains by the kitchen sink that Thrive Dad gave me for our first Valentine’s Day when we were 18 . My coffee mug collection (most second hand). Plastic pink flamingos outside in the snow covered garden. Essential oils and candles. Wall covered in family photos.  Favorite magazines (like Mothering, my new favorite read) and library books where I nurse Thrive Baby.  A great pair of slippers.  Nature inside like plants and these pine cones painted by Thrive Toddler.  (We’re working on a rotating nature shadow box so watch for that future post!) 

Pine cones painted by Thrive Toddler hanging above table

These provide me tiny ”me moments” when I refelct on the joy of being alive, can recharge my batteries and more happily handle yet another round of “chase”, play dough, trucks, the 4th blow out diaper of the day, etc.  Can you relate with your own daily challenges?

My complete java happiness in 25 cent mug

Question:  What makes you smile in your living space?

Anyway, this is what struck me yesterday.  Pierce recounts Anne Morrow Lindbergh reflections on the negative aspects of a life cluttered with activity (from her book Gifts of the Sea).  In contemplating the beauty in life, Lindbergh observes “For it is only framed in space that beauty blooms.”

Lindbergh refers to the beauty of a tree framed against the empty sky. She reflects that a note in music gains significance from the silences on either side, and that a candle flowers in the space of the night.

Candle flowers in the space of the night

“Her life lacks these qualities-and therefore lacks beauty-because there is so little empty space. 

So few empty hours on her calendar, or empty rooms in her life in which to stand alone.  Too many activities, too many people, too many things. If all our energy is devoted to our work if there are no “spaces” around that work where is the beauty in our lives?”

Wow.   A powerful call for me.  Recently I have yearned for more space/beauty in my weekly routine instead feeling frustrated that I spend so many hours cleaning/maintaining order in our  house.  Too much laundry, putting toys away, maintaining possessions.   Just busy being busy instead of living intentionally. I don’t want to do dishes all day.  I’m home to enrich and enjoy my kids!  Anyone else ever felt like that?  I needed to simplify my space in order to feel more space.

I implemented the “5 Things” challenge during which I collected a minimum of five items from each room in my home for donation or disposal.

It was almost a spiritual cleansing leaving me feeling centered and free. Yesterday’s sweep unearthed everything from an unused, semi-broken vacuum to Ron John Surf Shop glass from a high school band trip; talking octopus toy to extra and unneeded bottles of lotion.  I didn’t realize I was burdened by the clutter until I felt the peace of being without it.  I am a slow learner that less is more.

Bonus web surf:  Awakening Earth provides articles about simplicity and this is a thought provoking blog on voluntary simplicity.

Question:  How do you relate to the quote “For it is only framed in space that beauty blooms”?